In the months before I returned to work, I nervously wondered how I was going to “do it all.” My husband was very hands-on with our son from the start: changing diapers, rocking him during the
Now I was working full-time.
Out of necessity, I slowly turned over responsibilities to my husband: dressing our son in the morning, bathing him at night. Then, my husband learned to fix our son’s meals and would watch him while I ran errands. Now, he could parent him independently if I needed to go away.
Before you start thinking that I married the ultimate man, emailing to ask if he has a brother, and pulling your own spouse to the computer to show him what another father out there is doing, read on.
This freedom comes at a price. I am no longer the expert on our son. I am just another adult in the house with an opinion. And we all know what they say about opinions.
In order to gain rest and some “free” time, I have given up some control. That means that there are times when my husband talks to me like I (ouch!) know I used to talk to him…
“What are you doing?” he says in a most accusatory tone.
“Giving our son a bath?” I reply sarcastically.
“You don’t do it that way,” he says confidently.
“What way?” I challenge.
“Even he knows (low blow-referring to a 15-month-old) that you have to take the plug out of the tub before you give him the final rinse. And you don’t use that (white bucket), you use this (purple bucket). Here, I’ll do it.”
Mommy backs off for professional rinsing demonstration. Father expertly rinses son, who is happily sitting in a giant, inflatable yellow duck, plug pulled.
Come to find out, I also do not know how to pick the most comfortable pair of pajamas relative to the ambient temperature, nor do I know that our son has to say “Night, night.” to the dogs next door after he brushes his teeth, not before.
Even as I asked my husband to read this article before submission, he was pulling rank on me. I turned the computer over to him and he handed me a spatula and told me I “might want to flip the egg” he had in the pan and then it would be “good to put one in for the baby.”
Who taught him these annoying communication skills? I thought I was the one who gave orders disguised as “sweet suggestions.” There was a time when I could barely get a grunt out of him.
So, my world has changed. Now, when I have the urge to micromanage, I remind myself that my husband is a competent parent and can do things his own way. (Repeat ten times while biting tongue, if necessary.) After all, I wanted him to share the responsibilities with me, so I have to accept that he is going to make some changes, even if they are wrong. Oops-that just slipped out-like water draining from a giant, yellow duck…
But here’s the thing: I like my new role. It was a lot of pressure to be the “go to” person for every issue. I’m still Mommy and I always will be. When my son is hurt, he wants me to comfort him (yesss!). But now, my husband knows as much about how to care for him as I do. It’s wonderful watching his twist on daily routines. He adds that funny and exciting “Dad element” that I didn’t always bring (like the two of them wearing diapers on their heads at changing time, for instance). Now, that’s just something I wouldn’t have thought of. And as for our son? He’s thriving under the loving care of both of his parents.
We make a great team. And I think we are all better for it.
Tracey Hazlett is a Reading Teacher at a local school district. Her husband works in the ski industry as a Racing Programs Director. They live in the
Comments:
peace,
ellen